THE 5 MINDSETS STOPPING YOU FROM CREATING YOUR DREAM LIFE
For over 25 years I have researched, worked, coached and presented to high performance achievers in 34 industries across 250 companies in 29 different companies. Armed with this knowledge, I want to share with you the five mindsets stopping you from achieving all that you are capable and deserving of in life. Plus more importantly, I want to share with you the key mindset you need to create certainty, for you to live a passionate, productive and purposeful life.
We will explore the following five mindset roadblocks and how you can go through, around and over them in your life.
MINDSET ROADBLOCK #1: FEELING LOST IN YOUR LIFE
These people are lost in their life. They don’t know what they want to do or have never taken the time to think about what they want to achieve. They have become busy being busy, without ever stopping to think about what could be achieved and who they could become.
MINDSET ROADBLOCK #2: FEELING FRUSTRATED IN YOUR LIFE
These people are frustrated, as they know what they don’t want, but don’t know what they do want. They suffer from living in the past and being consumed with their present circumstances, rather than thinking about their possibilities. For this person, a mind shift is needed first before a physical result can be obtained.
MINDSET ROADBLOCK #3: FEELING CONFUSED IN YOUR LIFE
These people know the goal they want to achieve but defining the steps, strategies and processes to achieve their goal is the challenge. It is not what to achieve, but how to achieve it that is causing them confusion. These people have desire and a dream but lack the knowledge on how to turn their dream into a reality.
MINDSET ROADBLOCK #4: FEELING UNCLEAR IN YOUR LIFE
These people are undecided about what they should achieve and the goals they should obtain. In actual fact it is not that they don’t have goals but they don’t know the ones to pursue as they have so many opportunities. They have achieved some great results in the past.
MINDSET ROADBLOCK #5: FEELING UNSATISFIED IN YOUR LIFE
These people are unsatisfied with their life. They have great achievements but they are still unsatisfied. They have a void, however to the outside world of friends, family, associates, colleagues and society, they are successful. The challenge for this person is to find their true purpose, discover their real goals, pursue a life that is bigger than themselves.
WHAT MINDSET CREATES THE GREATEST LEVEL OF SUCCESS?
These people are certain. They know what they want to achieve and they have a plan with clearly defined steps. They understand the challenges and the prize for achieving their goals. They have a high degree of certainty in what they want to achieve and with this certainty comes momentum as they pursue their goals.
Let’s get started …
THE 5 ROADBLOCKS
What is really stopping you from having the live you have always dreamt of having?
I have been fortunate to spend time over the years talking to thousands of people about their passion, purpose and plans. For me, it is always interesting to see where people are along their journey towards what they endeavour to achieve. During this time I have been able to identify six different mindsets that people have when it comes to setting and achieving goals. I have been able to see first hand their mindset around how they feel about achievement, the characteristics they display when they are achieving and mental lassoes they entwine themselves in as they achieve their goals or don’t. Let me share with you some of these insights and see if you can determine where you are placed at the moment in your life. We have all been experienced one of these five emotional roadblocks when we have moved through life. Achievement is that double-edged sword that can inspire us to go beyond, go to the next level or it can cut through us as we reflect on what we could have done or could have been. I have distilled these emotions, which surround our achievements into six specific mindsets … five being the mindset that stop us being the best version of us for the people who mean the world to us and one mindset that all of need to achieve if we really want to achieve our potential, our possibilities and our true life purpose.
MINDSET ROADBLOCK #1: FEELING LOST IN YOUR LIFE
Have you ever felt lost in your life? Like you were moving but not making progress? Life seemed to be passing you by? You are travelling through your life but you didn’t seem to be arriving at any particular destination? When it comes to your direction it is something dictated to you by life, circumstances and others, rather than created by you, then pursued by you?
How do you tell if someone is lost? I often ask people … “What do you want to achieve?” The response is often …
“I don’t know.”
“What do you think you’re achieving at the moment?”
“I don’t know.”
“Tell me what you have achieved in the past?”
“I don’t know.”
I think a good definition of lost is if you don’t know where you have come from or what you have achieved in the past. You don’t know where you are in your life at the moment and you don’t know where you are going next. That is a good definition of lost! Being lost and feeling lost in your life is a draining emotion. The more you feel lost, the more you become lost, and the more you doubt what is possible.
For most of these people they don’t know what they want to do or have never taken the time to think about what they really want to achieve. They have become busy being busy and life has consumed them, rather than them taking back control and having control of where they are going. Because doubt has taken a strong foot hold on the mental muscle to dream of what is possible these people never stop to think about what could be achieved and who they could become. So they live with doubt daily. These people are recognised either by a level of low self-confidence or a false sense of over-confidence that everything is ok, yet you know it is not. They are often defeated before they actually start, and just as they think about what they could achieve their subconscious kicks in and reminds them of their past failures or how comfortable it is to put up with mediocrity. For with mediocrity comes less disappointment, less to worry about and less expectations on yourself from those around you.
Do you feel lost?
THE WAY FORWARD … MAKE A DECISION
The solution is simple … make a decision, then make another one. Start to take small steps, make small improvements, decide to be better and take better action.
WHY DON’T PEOPLE MAKE DECISIONS? FEAR!
There are three fears that stop people from making a decision and here are some of rationales behind why people don’t make a decision.
Fear of Failure … What if I make a decision and it does not work out for me? What if I get labeled by people? What if people make fun of me? What if I am not right? All of these questions come up for people time and time again.
Fear of Success … What if I make a decision and it does work out and people have a higher expectation of me from now on? What if I can’t live up to that success again in the future. What if it was a one time lucky moment?
Fear of Change … If I make that decision, what would I have to change to able to make that decision work for me? I would most likely have to do things differently from now on and that could be uncomfortable and inconvenient.
What is holding you back from tapping into your potential and realising your possibilities? What is one decision you need to make today that will move you from Lost to Certain?
HE WILL BE MEET WITH AN UNEXPECTED IN COMMON HOURS. SUCCESS.
Henry David Thoreau
MINDSET ROADBLOCK #2: FEELING FRUSTRATED IN YOUR LIFE
Ever been frustrated with yourself? You know you are capable of achieving more but for some reason you just don’t feel like you are moving in the right direction? You don’t feel like you are making any progress.
I believe frustration is the opposite of progress. I know for myself I feel the greatest levels of frustration when I feel I am not making progress even though I am taking action. This comes from the fact that you know what you don’t want, but don’t know what you do want. Can you relate to this?
For some people the conversation I have with them goes something like this … “What do you want to achieve?”
“I don’t know, but I know that it is not this! It is not this job I am doing or the relationship I am in or these financial circumstances I have.”
My response is simple …“Ok, what do you want then?”
“I don’t know!”
You can feel the frustration in their voice and the anxiety in their whole being. If I was to dish out some tough love, it would be to say, “If you don’t know what you want, then you deserve what you have got.”
However, the truth is that these people are suffering from living in the past while being consumed with their present circumstances, and rather than thinking about what they are capable of achieving they are focusing on what is not right or not working for them. For these people, a mind shift is required first before a physical result can be obtained. They need to understand their past does not predict their future. They need to break the mental cycle of believing they can only achieve what they did in the past by beginning to dream again. You see, it is hard to live in your past when you are focused on the future.
Do you feel frustrated?
THE WAY FORWARD … WORK OUT WHAT YOU DON’T WANT
If you are frustrated, then your solution is to decide what you don’t want. Write down everything that you don’t want in your life, the things that are not serving you well, everything that annoys you, frustrates you and everything that needs to change. Once you have done that, define what the opposite of each item is for you. If you don’t like the role at work you have, identify what you don’t like about it—it maybe working with numbers, then the opposite is working on creative concepts or designing. If you have a business dealing with lots of people and you don’t like working with people, maybe you should have a business that is more internet based rather than face to face. If you don’t like managing a big team of people then maybe it is not about having a big team of people, maybe it is outsourcing your needs or hiring a manager to manage the people so you can do the work that you love to do. The amount of businesses that I have consulted to where we have given the business owner or CEO the permission to go and do the work that matters and that is important to see that their business flourishes, grows and they are happier, maybe that is why it grows and flourishes! What do you need to let go of and do the opposite of in your life? What do you not want and what is the opposite of that for you?
WHEN YOU FOLLOW YOUR HEART, YOU’RE NEVER SUPPOSED TO DO THINGS BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU THINK PEOPLE MIGHT SAY, YOU DO IT FOR THE OPPOSITE REASONS.
Will.i.am
MINDSET ROADBLOCK #3: FEELING CONFUSED IN YOUR LIFE
Have you ever known what you wanted to achieve, but had no idea how to achieve it? Not sure where to start or what the right steps to take were? If you feel like that now in your life you are probably experiencing some confusion.
People who feel confused know the goal they want to achieve but defining the steps, strategies and solutions they need to implement to achieve their goal is the challenge. It is not what to achieve, but how to achieve it that is causing them confusion. These people have a desire and a dream but sometimes lack the knowledge of how to turn their dream into a reality. It is not as bad as the feeling of being frustrated, but confusion can be very restrictive—when you don’t know what to do, you tend to do nothing.
The challenge is that these people are looking for the right way, rather than a way. Perfection creeps in and rather than making progress towards the goals that are most important, they wait for everything to be perfect before they start. If you are confused, your goal is not to try and get the plan right—your goal is to get the plan started. Then you can get it right. Taking action is the solution, now is the time for progress, not perfection. If you wait for perfection, you will never get started.
In order to create momentum in your life, it could be as simple as just taking a step, an action or making that first move. If you are focused on taking the first step, life has a habit of showing you the next step to take and the next and the next. Create momentum towards a goal you desire and the plan will unfold around you.
Do you feel confused?
THE WAY FORWARD … CREATE YOUR PLAN
Confusion comes when you are not sure about how to go from point A to point B. You know what you want, but you are unsure of the plan to achieve it. The solution for you is to design a plan with a mentor or someone you can trust. Collaborate with someone else as you work out what you need to do to achieve your goal. They will look at it from a different perspective and ask some of those tougher me clarifying questions, like …
- Why do you want to achieve that goal?
- What do you think the first step is?
- Have you thought about this approach?
- What roadblocks are stopping you at the moment?
- If you took this action what do you think the results or consequences would be for you?
- Who else do you need to gain assistance from to achieve your goals?
There are loads more questions that could be asked, that is the power of having someone work with you. They will look at your situation with fresh eyes. You know the answers, you just need to have someone ask you the right questions to create greater clarity for you and with clarity comes certainty. Who do you know that you could work with to assist you in creating your plan to reach your goals?
IF YOU DON’T DESIGN YOUR OWN LIFE PLAN, CHANCES ARE YOU’LL FALL INTO SOMEONE ELSE’S PLAN. AND GUESS WHAT THEY HAVE PLANNED FOR YOU? NOT MUCH.
Jim Rohn
MINDSET ROADBLOCK #4: FEELING UNCLEAR IN YOUR LIFE
Ever had too many choices? Ever had so many opportunities to pursue and you were unclear which was the right one to take? If you have that situation in your life right now, you are most likely feeling unclear.
You are trying to determine which is the right choice for you, for right now. A normal conversation with someone who is unclear about the right goal they should pursue in their life, career or business, goes a little like this, “I have this opportunity to pursue this role in this organisation, or I could go back to school to gain a degree in this discipline, or the company I am working for now has a new role working overseas in this country. I am unclear which one I should go for.”
So what do you think happens to most people? When there are too many opportunities most people choose to wait, rather than to start. Remember what Edison said, “It is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration.”
You will be inspired as you take action, gain momentum and make progress. For most people they ponder, pontificate and procrastinate as they weigh up the pros and cons in search for the right answer. They start to second guess their gut instinct and get stuck in a paradox of perfection paralysis—waiting for all the moons to align in their life before they pursue their next goal or action. “What should I do next?” My belief is simple—all opportunities are not right or wrong; there are some that just have a greater degree of RIGHT than others. So rather than picking the right one, you just need to pick one and make it right for you. Remember it is only an opportunity if you can take advantage of it.
Do you feel unclear?
THE WAY FORWARD … FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND SUCCESS WILL FOLLOW YOU
The key for you seeing as you have so many opportunities is not picking the right one, but connecting with your heart. The solution for the people that are unclear, is to follow your heart. Not what you think is the right goal but the goal that is screaming out at you to pursue it. What I know about following your heart is that when you follow your heart success, money, love and joy will follow you. Take the money out of the equation, what does your heart tell you to do or to pursue? Do you understand, they can never pay you enough money to do the stuff you hate to do? The money is great but you are still miserable.
I heard a great quote that has always stuck with me … “What causes an ulcer is not what you have eaten, but what’s eating you!”
How do you follow your heart? First write down all the opportunities you currently have. Ask yourself, if each opportunity was to make the same amount of money, which one would give you the greatest joy? Which one would you love to do first? Rank them from the greatest joy to least amount of joy. Then stop and meditate on the lsit by being still and listening to your intuition, then note down the opportunity that you connect with the most. We all make mistakes but for me rather than focusing on what could have been or should have been I ask myself what I learnt from it and what would I do differently. I also have one thought that goes through my mind when I reflect … everything is perfect! Even if it was not the prefect outcome, what was I supposed to learn that will better equip me for my future? When I look at it that way, everything is perfect!
I’VE COME TO BELIEVE THAT ALL MY PAST FAILURE AND FRUSTRATION WERE ACTUALLY LAYING THE FOUNDATION FOR THE UNDERSTANDINGS THAT HAVE CREATED THE NEW LEVEL OF LIVING I NOW ENJOY.
Tony Robbins
MINDSET ROADBLOCK #5: FEELING UNSATISFIED IN YOUR LIFE
These people, from the outside world looking in, have got it handled. Good job, nice home, great holidays, high achiever—but they are not satisfied or fulfilled in their life. There is a void that has not been filled by their past achievements and regardless of what goals they set and achieve it does not hit the mark.
The common solution for these folks is to set bigger goals, work harder, strive more and be better. They tend to focus on the next what. But after a while it just doesn’t cut it anymore and there is a feeling of being unsatisfied that starts to morph into their mind, body and spirit. For these people it is difficult to discuss their feelings or current mindset because most people don’t get that this person could have anything to be concerned about and it is sometimes easier to keep up the charade than to address the internal circumstances and lose their credibility.
The challenge for this person is to find their true purpose, discover their real goals, pursue a life that is bigger than them and that is outside of them and will live on beyond them. In order words it is to achieve goals that make a difference and gives them a sense that they are not just accumulating money, material possessions or meaningless titles. This is a hard merry-go-round to get off, as you don’t want to give up the success that you have! It is a matter of identifying what is important to you now.
What does meaningful work look like to you? What passions do you want to pursue still? I often say, “People love what they do, but they are not in love with what they do.” It is not a matter of quitting, selling up and having a sea change, it is just about falling back in love with your life, with who you are, what you do now and what you want to do next.
Do you feel unsatisfied?
THE WAY FORWARD …. YOU NEED A BIGGER REASON WHY
You have achieved so much, however at this point in time you are thinking to yourself … What else do I need to do to feel fulfilled in my life? What is the next challenge for you? You may have found that what you have been doing doesn’t engage you like it once did. You may find the challenge has gone out of what you have been doing in your personal or professional life and feel like you have been cruising of late.
You need to find a bigger reason WHY. A goal that is bigger than you, that is outside of you and that will live on after you. You need to create a MANIFESTO. A manifesto is a public declaration of what you intend to do. A document that identifies your vision for your life. That defines what is important to you, what matters to you and how you are to make a difference.
In Austin Kleon’s book Steal Like an Artist, there is a great manifesto … Draw the art you want to see, start the business you want to run, play the music you want to hear, write the books you want to read, build the products you want to use—do the work you want to see done.
Apple turned a TV ad campaign into this manifesto:
TO THE CRAZY ONES
Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The nerds. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They are not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glory or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? We make tools for these kinds of people. While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. Think differently.
MY LIFE’S WORKS MANIFESTO
To do work that matters and makes a difference. To write, create and speak about how people can be better, do better and have better results for themselves and their family. To have meaningful conversations with people about what is important to them. To show anyone who is interested how to discover their passion, pursue their passion and live with passion.
WHAT IS YOUR MANIFESTO?
If doing what you are doing is not floating your boat or motivating you or energising you to become a better you, than you need a bigger reason WHY!
WHICH ONE ARE YOU?
For each of us, we have experienced all five of these emotional mindsets at some stage during our working and personal lives. You could be experiencing one emotional mindset in your working life at the moment, while experiencing another in your home life at the exact same time. This is where doubt starts to creep into your perspective. For any change to occur the first step is identification of where you are at right now. Then you can apply one of the five transition solutions that will move you forward towards certainty and beyond, which we will discuss in the next chapter. Read on!
THE ONLY WAY TO CREATE GREAT WORK IS TO LOVE WHAT YOU DO.
Steve Jobs
WHAT MINDSET CREATES THE GREATEST LEVEL OF SUCCESS? CERTAIN.
THE SOLUTION: Feeling CERTAINTY IN YOUR LIFE
I believe the opposite of certainty is doubt. When you doubt yourself, your abilities and your sense of worthiness, it is the first stage in a downward spiral of feeling despair and disappointment. Certainty is the emotion that all of us desire to have more of in our lives. That feeling of certainty, that we feel a sense of knowing that this goal will come true, that this action will lead me one step closer to a meaningful milestone in my life.
With certainty comes a level of greater confidence, and with confidence comes a belief that this will work out for the better. You know in your heart of hearts that you are in flow and that flow is taking you ever so closer to your desired goal. When you are certain, you know what you want to achieve and have a plan with clearly defined steps to take. You are not under any false sense of security; you know it will take energy, effort and your enthusiasm to achieve the goals.
You also understand that there will be challenges, that there will be some roadblocks along the way and you will need to take some unplanned but necessary detours, but you are certain that these goals will be achieved. People that are certain can be recognised by their high degree of clarity, confidence and control, which creates this by-product of momentum as they pursue their goals. It is this momentum that seems to propel them even faster and effortlessly towards their achievements; things just go right for them. Some may call it luck, some divine intervention, for some it is known as the universe providing and for some this quote best summarises it …
THE WHOLE WORLD STEPS ASIDE FOR THE PERSON WHO KNOWS WHERE THEY ARE GOING.
So do you have certainty in your life when it comes to your direction, relationships, career, business results and finances? Are you living with certainty on a daily basis?
Becoming certain is the goal for all of us to work towards and achieve, if you don’t feel certain about your future, then let’s discover where you feel you are situated at the moment and in the next chapter I will give you a solution to move forward with, as you pursue your passion, purpose and plans. Even if you are certain now, I want to share with you one strategy that will move you even closer to your goals in less time.
THE CERTAIN
It’s great that you are certain about what you want and how you are going to achieve it. The key for you now is to remain focused on your goals so that those goals are realised in the shortest time and with less effort.
The easiest step in goal setting process is setting the goal, the hardest thing to do is to remain focused on it. There are so many distractions these days in our digitally connected, 24/7 world we work, live and play in. These are th three actions you can take to remain focused on what is important and matters to you …
- Have a mindset that you are always focus on the things that count.
- Ask yourself the question … “What’s important now?”
- Write your goal out on a card or digitally create a list of your goals on all your devices and then read those goals everyday to keep it top of mind.
I recently listened to a speaker colleague of mine, Nic Stewart, share an experience he had in Los Angles at a dinner with Sir Richard Branson. He had the opportunity to ask him a question about goal setting and how often he read his goals. Sir Richard made this comment, “Millionaires read their goals 1 to 17 times per day and Billionaires read their goals 19 to 29 times per day.”
In Sir Richard’s case he reads his goals on average 21 times per day.
MILLIONAIRES READ THEIR GOALS 15 TO 17 TIMES PER DAY AND BILLIONAIRES READ THEIR GOALS 19 TO 29 TIMES PER DAY.
Sir Richard Branson
I know from feedback we’ve gained from people attending our Passionate Performance Programs that if people read their goals once a week they achieve 4 to 6 goals out of 10 in the course of the year. If you read them each day you will achieve 7 to 9 goals out of 10 during the course of the year. I also took away from this story—if I am reading my goals so often, it stops me thinking about all the reasons why I cannot achieve them. On a side note, Sir Richard then showed the small group of people having dinner with him his goal journal with 645 goals written in it. I believe Sir Richard is a living example of someone who lives with and has created certainty.
Additional Resources & Tools
To further assist you on your journey towards what is important to you, what matters to you and what is meaningful to you, here are some other free resources:
